Post Infidelity Stress Disorder: How Are PTSD and Cheating Linked? 

Written by Cayla Gensler, LPC

Cayla is a licensed couples’ therapist who specializes in helping individuals and couples with issues like codependency, communication issues, and loss and grief. She is highly trained in emotion-focused therapy (EFT), an evidence-based method for couples. You can work with Cayla through couples intensives, monthly workshops, or Relationships 101 groups.

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Infidelity can be a devastating experience for anyone involved, but especially for the person who’s been cheated on. If you’ve recently discovered that your partner has betrayed you, it’s normal to be feeling a mix of painful emotions. You might feel as if your world has been turned completely upside down. You might find yourself reliving certain painful moments or having nightmares.

But can infidelity actually cause post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD? Officially, PTSD is caused by life-threatening events, like combat or assault. But as a couples therapist, I recognize that experiences of infidelity can lead to a similar set of trauma responses.

In this article, I’ll talk about how infidelity can trigger trauma-like responses, including signs of PTSD related to cheating, ways to cope, and treatments that may help you find peace.

Does infidelity PTSD exist? Can you get PTSD after cheating?

The intense feelings that come after your partner has been unfaithful to you can be so painful that you might wonder if they’re PTSD symptoms. This is sometimes referred to as “post-infidelity stress disorder” or “infidelity PTSD.”

But is post-infidelity stress disorder a real thing?

Post-infidelity stress disorder isn’t an officially recognized condition, but many people use the term to describe the intense emotions that come after an infidelity. Even though the feelings are painful, they aren’t necessarily be indicative of clinical PTSD. The diagnosis of PTSD requires you to meet a specific set of symptom criteria, but just because it might not be PTSD doesn’t make what you’re going through any easier.

Infidelity can cause intense emotions that can be painful and disorienting. There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to feel after infidelity — people experience a wide range of emotions, and whatever you’re feeling right now is valid.

The aftermath of infidelity: What emotional reactions can infidelity cause?

Some common emotional reactions that people have to being cheated on include:

• Shock and disbelief: It’s common to feel completely stunned, or feel as if it doesn’t seem real. You might feel completely disconnected from your own life or like you’re in a state of emotional numbness.
  
  
• Anger and resentment: Anger is a natural reaction to infidelity. You might find yourself feeling waves of resentment and frustration, either directed at your partner or even at yourself.
  
  
• Grief and sadness: Infidelity often brings a deep sense of loss, not just of the relationship, but of the trust and connection you once felt. This grief can feel overwhelming at times.
  
  
• Anxiety and hypervigilance: Many people report feeling anxious, constantly on edge, or excessively worried about the future. You might feel as though you’re “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
  
  
• Self-doubt: Being cheated on can cause a profound sense of self-doubt. You may question your worth or wonder if you’re to blame for what happened, even though infidelity is ultimately a choice made by the other person.
   

These emotions are all natural responses when your partner has been unfaithful. Allowing yourself to feel them can be an important step in processing what’s happened.

What are the symptoms of PTSD from cheating?

Not everyone who goes through infidelity will experience symptoms of PTSD. But for some, the effects of betrayal can feel like a form of trauma, especially if it also comes along with another traumatic experience. For example, if your partner cheated on you and then died in a sudden way, or if they were also abusive towards you, then you might be at higher risk of being diagnosed with PTSD.

Here are a few ways that your response to infidelity may resemble PTSD:

Re-experiencing  the betrayal

You may find yourself having intrusive thoughts about the infidelity or even having vivid flashbacks or nightmares related to it. These “re-experiencing” symptoms can make it feel like the betrayal is happening again and again, even when you’re trying to move forward.

Avoidance

Avoidance is a key sign of PTSD. You might find yourself going out of your way to avoid certain places, conversations, or people that remind you of the betrayal. For example, you might find yourself avoiding This avoidance can also extend to emotional avoidance, where you numb or distance yourself from difficult emotions.

Hypervigilance  and anxiety

You might also feel an intense sense of vigilance or anxiety, like finding yourself constantly checking up on your partner or feeling constantly tense and “on guard.” This is called hypervigilance, and it can make it hard to relax.

Negative changes in mood and self-perception

Infidelity can lead to ongoing feelings of shame, guilt, or a belief that you’re “not good enough.” These changes in mood and self-worth are common in people who experience trauma-related responses to betrayal.

If you recognize any of these symptoms in yourself, know that you’re not alone. Many people who experience infidelity report feeling similarly. Healing is possible, even if the pain feels overwhelming right now.

How to cope with post infidelity PTSD

If you’re struggling with symptoms of post-infidelity trauma, there are strategies that can help you start to heal. Here are seven ways to support your mental and emotional well-being during this time:

1. Allow yourself to feel your emotions

Even if years have passed, the pain of an infidelity can still come in waves (regardless of whether or not you stayed in the relationship). Instead of trying to suppress or ignore these feelings, give yourself permission to feel them fully. Without acknowledging these emotions, it’s hard to process them and let them go. The self-judgment that can come when you suppress emotion can also make you feel even worse.

2. Set boundaries around contact with your partner

If you’re still in contact with your partner after the infidelity, consider setting boundaries to protect your mental health. This doesn’t necessarily need to mean making a final decision on whether or not to stay in the relationship. Even smaller boundaries can make a difference – for example, you might not want to talk about the infidelity outside of couples counseling sessions, or you might need your partner to temporarily leave the home. 

3. Lean on supportive friends or family

Getting the support of trusted friends and family members is one of the most important things you can do for yourself during this difficult time. Choose wisely when it comes to your support system – choose people who will listen to you without judgment, and who support you without pressuring you to make any decisions about your relationship. Having a strong support network is one of the best ways to boost your resilience after something like an infidelity happens.

4. Prioritize self-care 

Coping with infidelity, whether it’s “traumatic” for you or not, can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Prioritizing self-care in the most basic ways — this means exercising, journaling about your experiences, using relaxation techniques, and engaging in activities you enjoy. Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated, and it can help you maintain your energy and stay grounded during this difficult time.

5. Avoid blaming yourself

It’s all too common to feel a sense of self-blame after infidelity. You might find yourself wondering if you could have done something differently, or whether or not you “should have known.” It’s easier said than done, but try to remember that infidelity is a choice made by the other person. Focusing on self-compassion rather than blame can help you rebuild your sense of self-worth. This was not your fault.

7. Seek support from a therapist

Working with a therapist who specializes in trauma or relationship issues can be especially helpful when dealing with post-infidelity stress. Whether you choose to go with individual therapy or couples therapy (or both), your therapist can provide a safe space to process emotions your emotions, help you avoid traps like self-blame, and walk you through your options.

How therapy can help

If you’re struggling with trauma after infidelity, therapy can be a powerful way to start healing.

Here are some approaches that might help:
 

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This therapy helps you challenge unhelpful thoughts, like self-blame, and can ease anxiety around rebuilding trust.
  
  
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): A unique approach that combines guided eye movements with recalling painful memories to reduce their emotional intensity.
  
  
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Helps you sit with tough emotions like grief or anger, while focusing on what really matters to you moving forward.
  
  

Couples Counseling (Emotion-Focused Therapy): If you’re working on the relationship, couples therapy can help rebuild trust, strengthen communication, and process what happened together.

Get intensive couples counseling in Arizona with Thrive

While infidelity can be an incredibly painful experience, healing is possible. Trauma from betrayal can cause symptoms that feel like PTSD, but with our intensive couples’ counseling programs, you can work toward peace and regain a sense of control over your life. Remember, your pain is valid, and we’re ready to support you when you are.

Get in touch with us, and we’ll get back to you to schedule a call.